What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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