Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
