And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
