I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Randomize
