Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
