so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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