I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
3pm strippers are depressing
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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