She announced her abortion via fbk
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
