That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
