i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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