I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
