im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
