just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
