My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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