found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
