I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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