Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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