if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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