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i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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