a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
