My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
