I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
