Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
