Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
