How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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