u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
