He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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