if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
