Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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