I'm gonna have a badass scar
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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