we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
