2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
