My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
