Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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