OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
