No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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