Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
