**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
