Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
