this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
