i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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