No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My liver just had a heart attack.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
