I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
