I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
