It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
