Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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