paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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