I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
