I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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