dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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